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For English Car Owners

Doris Bailey [ September 2004 ]

Doris writes: “Inspired by Gene Fodor’s British Car dicta, I thought you might like an addition in Wheel Tracks. I have had this tacked to the garage wall for several years and every word of it is true.”

You probably own an English car if…

1) You know that:
a) A “bonnet” is not a lady’s head covering
b) A “hood” does not cover the engine
c) A “spanner” does not span anything
d) A “boot” is not a cowboy’s footwear

2) You always automatically distrust anyone named Lucas.

3) You always park facing downhill.

4) People ask how many cars you own and the number contains fractions.

5) Any discussions of a trip, long or short, always contain references to breakdowns.

6) You tell your spouse you were out until 3 am because your car broke down – and they believe you.

7) You call Moss Motors and they recognize your voice.

8) You reply immediately with month, day and year when asked when your car was manufactured but have to stop and think how old your kids are.

9) Your idea of a perfect gift is a part for your car – it doesn’t matter what part, as you will eventually use it.

10) You buy Castrol by the case – not because it’s on sale but because you need that much on hand.

11) Your favorite TV network is PBS, not because it’s intellectually stimulating but because with all the BBC programming you get to see a lot more British cars.

12) You actually like the smell of Liquid Wrench.

(Courtesy of Mini Owners of America).

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